One Drink to Remember

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Keepin' AP Lit Legit!

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Me: Shanese Diamond gave me this card at the end of last year.
Student named Diamond: She has two first names?

Student: I wish I was Jewish. Those barmitzvahs they be showin' on TV look dope....but don't they cut yo' dick off?

Student A: Does anyone have some paper?
Student B: I'm a vegetarian.
Student A: Unless you eat your paper, I don't get why that matters.

Student: Sometimes I wish I was Harry Potter, but then I realize I'd have a little dick. Something about a little white boy in glasses makes me think he got a lil' dick. But I guess I could use magic to make it bigger.
Me: Lincoln, please return to working on your test.

Student A: What's that word for a mother that be having her baby?
Student B: A laborer.
Student A: No, that's what a Hispanic person is.

Me: Because the language isn't figurative, what is it?
Student: *blank stare*
Me: If it's not figurative, its....
Student: *blank stare*
Me: What's the opposite of figurative?
Student: Infigurative? That's what we be learning about in prefix stuff, right?

Me: The speaker refers to a loam in the metaphor about his love life. What does he mean? First off, what's a loam?
AP Student A: Ain't that those little dudes with the pointy hats white people be putting on their grass? You know, a lawn loam!
AP Student B: Yeah! There's one in those travel commercials.....but wasn't this poem written before TV was invented?

Student A: The two characters have a tight bondage.
Me: Um...bondage isn't the word you're looking for.
Student A: Why? What's bondage mean?
Student B: Its some freaky thing rich people do when they be getting bored and start spanking each other.

Student A: Mr. Vega, you got an attitude problem.
Me: Nice to meet you kettle, I'm pot.
Student B: Gurl, he just said you black!

Student A: Can I use the Lohans as an example of the American Dream gone wrong?
Student B: Ew.
Student A: I know, they're nasty, but can I use them anyway?

Student: Mr. Vega, you know how you know you in the hood? When lil' boys be riding their bikes around talkin' 'bout dead bodies. That's how you know you in the hood. At least that's what they be doing the whole time in that movie "Boyz N' the Hood"

AP Student A: Mr. Vega, I hate when he answers questions. He makes me realize how stupid I am.
AP Student B: That's because I'm your foil, mama. BAM.
*Its a lit joke. I died laughing.*

Student: My grandpa is a player. He got like 20-year-olds coming over begging to clean up his shit.
Me: I hope you mean the figuratively.
Student: Both, Mr. Vega. Ain't that some SHIT?

AP Student A: When the little black boys make fun of Pecola's blackness, they are merely creating the racist and faux perceptions of beauty that will eventually be turned against them by the white superiors that run their world. Its as though they concoct the poison of racist perception, and society serves it back to them.
AP Student B: Mr. Vega....I think I'm in the wrong class.

Student A: I don't like sitting in the back. It makes me feel more black.
Student B: Gurl, when Mr. Vega turns the lights off nobody can see yo ass. You can't get any blacker.

Student: I was eating Jalapeno chips and they were healthy. Actually, I just think they were healthy. They came in that fancy bag that all the baked chips come in, so I think that means they were healthy. I guess they were baked Jalapeno chips, so they were healthy. They didn't say "baked," but, you know, they came in that fancy bag.
Me: *blank stare*
Student: Um....baked chicken is healthy, too.

Quiz Question: In what physical/mental state does Jordan find Daisy right before her wedding dinner?
Student Response: Um...New Orleans. IDK.

Quiz Question: What Does Gatsby use to revalue everything in his house?
Student Response: He hated everything. In the book, they used a big word that I didn't know, but it sounded ugly when I said it to myself out loud....so I think he hated everything.

Student: Mr. Vega, chewing on straws is disgusting.
Gay Student: So is wearing white socks with black pants, but nobody's calling you out.

Student A: I'm the smartest in the class
Student B: Get over it, bitch. I"m the smartest in my seat.

Student A: I wasn't on the detention list, so I didn't go even though I knew I was supposed to.
Me: That speaks to your integrity.
Student A: What's integrity?
Student B: Exactly.

Student: When I'm at Wal-Mart, I feel hopeless and angry. Like its the worst place on Earth. Wal-Mart is the opposite of Disneyland.

Student A: Mr. Vega, how do you get your hair to do that gay thing?
Student B: I think gay people are born with their hair like that. That's why they should be able to get married.

Student: Why do you keep it so cold in here?
Me: I'm cold blooded, so I don't feel it.
Student: Really? Is that hereditary.
Me: *calls biology teacher*

Student: She keeps bringing up how I was fat in middle school.
Me: What am I supposed to do about it?
Student: Tell her to stop
Me: *turns to other student* Stop
Student: You're so mean, Mr. Vega.

Student: I really don't get it, Mr. Vega. White people have to like fried chicken just as much as we do. What did their slaves cook for them back in the day?

Student: What ever happened to the number system from elementary school? A 2 felt so much better than a D.

Student: This newspaper article talks about the ACLU. Do they mean UCLA and just printed it backwards?

Student: There's no Chipotle in Crenshaw. There's too many black people. But there's lots of them in the Valley because there's lots of white people there. White people and Persians. They like fake Mexican food. The Mexicans in the Valley just make it at home.

Me: Move expeditiously
Student A: Huh?
Student B: He mean hurry yo ass up

Student: Mr. Vega, do you know how to pop a shoulder back into place?
Me: Sure, I did it back in Nam all the time.
Student: You used to live in Koreatown?

Student: Can I put this for my relative information?
Me: You mean "relevant."
Student: Did you just call me a delinquent? I'm tired of that.

Student: I'm doing much better in English. Instead of white "girl" I said "woman." And I just said "much" instead of "alot." Can I have an A?

Student: I feel like North Carolina sitting here by myself.
Me: That doesn't make any sense.
Student: Well, I don't know alot of people who live there so it must be empty and if you're there you're all alone.

Student A: This bitch be antagonizing me
Student B: How 'bout this, bitch. If you can actually spell that word, I WONT whoop yo ass.

Student A: Oh my God, there's an African-American at the door!
Student B: Just say a black guy!
Student A: Well, he's in a suit, so he's African-American.....Mr. Vega, why did you slap your forehead?

Student A: What's a waltz?
Student B: Its a rich people dance
Student C: Nu-uh, 'cause they be doing it on that show on Fox and that channel is ghetto.

1. You can ONLY answer 'Yes' or 'No'.

2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone comments you and asks— and, believe me, the temptation to explain some of these will be overwhelming. Nothing is exactly as it seems.



Kissed any one of your LiveJournal friends? — yes
Been arrested? — no
Kissed someone you didn't like? — yes
Slept in until 5 PM? — no
Fallen asleep at work/school? — yes
Held a snake? — yes
Ran a red light? — yes
Been suspended from school? — yes
Experienced love at first sight? — yes
Totaled your car in an accident? — no
Been fired from a job? — yes
Fired somebody? — yes
Sung karaoke? — yes
Pointed a gun at someone? — no
Did something you told yourself you wouldn't? — yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? — yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? — yes
Kissed in the rain? — yes
Had a close brush with death (your own)? — yes
Saw someone die? — yes
Played Spin-the-Bottle? — yes
Smoked a cigar? — yes
Sat on a rooftop? — yes
Smuggled something into another country? — yes
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? — yes
Broken a bone? — no
Skipped school? — yes
Eaten a bug? — yes
Sleepwalked? — no
Walked on a moonlit beach? — yes
Ridden a motorcycle? — no
Dumped someone? — no
Forgotten your anniversary? —no
Lied to avoid a ticket? — yes
Ridden in a helicopter? — no
Shaved your head? — yes
Blacked out from drinking? — yes
Played a prank on someone? — yes
Hit a home run? — yes
Felt like killing someone? — yes
Cross-dressed? — yes
Been falling-down drunk? — yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? — yes
Eaten snake? — yes
Marched/Protested? — yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? — yes
Puked on an amusement ride? — yes
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? — yes
Knitted? — no
Been on TV? — yes
Shot a gun? — yes
Skinny-dipped? — yes
Given someone stitches? — yes
Eaten a whole habenero pepper? — no
Ridden a surfboard? — yes
Drunk straight from a liquor bottle? — yes
Had surgery? — yes
Streaked? — yes
Been taken by ambulance to a hospital? — no
Tripped on mushrooms? — yes
Passed out when NOT drinking? — yes
Peed on a bush? — yes
Donated Blood? — no
Grabbed electric fence? — no
Eaten alligator meat? -- no
Eaten cheesecake? — yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? — no
Peed your pants in public? — no
Snuck into a movie without paying? - yes
Written graffiti? — yes
Still love someone you shouldn't? — yes
Think about the future? — yes
Been in handcuffs? —yes
Believe in love? — yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? — yes

Tonight I saw my favorite band play their first show in front of a full, live audience since ending their 5-year hiatus. Not gonna lie, when they first started playing the sound check I got teary-eyed. Blink-182 got me through the darkest times of my youth and to this day their music reminds me to just stop and have fun once in a while. The set (with albums):

What's My Age Again (Enema of the State) - Live on Air
Dammit (Dude Ranch) - Live on Air
Down (Blink-182)
Reckless Abandon (Take Off Your Pants and Jacket)
Josie (Dude Ranch)
Don't Leave Me (Enema of the State)
Dumpweed (Enema of the State)
Feeling This (Blink-182)

I haven't made a real post in a while. Its been a long four months and I'm not really sure if I'm any better off than I was back in February. The main reason I've neglected the journal is because I feel like I'm boring/annoying people with the same old shit. One of my friends even flat out told me he needed a break from me because I was bringing him down with being so depressed all the time. Kind of rough, but it was really a reality check.

So even though the entire free world told me not to wait for a man I did. A few short months later, he's in a new relationship and I'm long since forgotten. I found out by seeing them canoodling at a bar I was at celebrating my graduation. A tough sight for sure and I didn't leave there without talking to him and letting it all out (unfortunately saying some things I now regret). A simple phone call would have sufficed, but what's done is done. This is the third time someone has left me and started a relationship with someone else soon after. As much as I try not to blame myself, its really hard not to. Am I just attracted to the wrong men? Am I that hard to be with? Its all quite self-deprecating. The most annoying part is I've been single now just as long as the brief relationship lasted, and I feel like I've hardly moved on at all. Ugh. 

As far as the rest of my life goes, things are pretty solid. I'm officially Andrew Vega, M.Ed. Has a lovely little ring to it. I entered the job market with my new degree and was offered every single position I applied for. They were teaching jobs at 4 schools and positions at 2 non-profits, all offering substantially higher pay. Once my new principal (some major stuff went down at work and the administration will be brand new in 2009-2010), he offered me a promotion and a fatty raise. I'm going to making about $12,000 more next year and will serve as the Department Chair. Pretty cool stuff and very flattering for only being a 3rd year teacher. It felt really good to find so many positions relatively easily in today's economy. The teaching positions were especially competitive because of the LAUSD layoffs.

My life plan continues after next year. I'm thinking about applying to PhD programs earlier than expected. I love learning and I'm going to miss being in school. I also really need to get out of LA and experience what the rest of the world has to offer. I have my heart set on the University of Pennsylvania's PhD program in Education and Culture. I will get to research my exact interests at an Ivy League institution and one of the top graduate schools of education. Philadelphia seems like a cool city, but I definitely need to visit before I look more into the program. Its vicinity to other East Coast cities make it an ideal location for someone who wants to wander around while studying. I'm looking to apply for entry in the Fall of 2010. I'm also considering Columbia, Harvard, Northwestern, Vanderbilt, Arizona State, and UCLA. Its a very ambitious list, but I think I'm competitive enough.

I wonder if anybody even reads this anymore. Either way, I'm going to keep writing in it.

Hope everything is well with all of you!

I love him.

Despite everything, Im still here and kicking ass. Its all thanks to this woman who taught me what strength is.

One of them always comes through on those days when I wonder if I"m in the right profession.

When I started working with her in September 2007, she was reading at a 6th grade level (in 10th grade). This year she has a 3.3 and is college bound. =)

Behold the greatest thing I've ever heard.....

Musings

...and this is how I celebrated.

I can haz a MA?

Pretty fucking spectacular. Full review to follow. I saw:

Joss Stone
Para One
Surkin
TV On the Radio
Travis Barker and DJ-AM
Band of Horses
M.I.A.
The Killers
Henry Rollins
Dear and the Headlights
The Aggrolites
We Are Scientists
Molotov
The Airborne Toxic Event
Felix da Housecate
The Ting Tings
Franz Ferdinand
Morrissey
Paul McCartney

Yes, I missed the Silversun Pickups. I wanted a good spot for Morrissey and Paul McCartney so I skipped them. Legends always win over a band that is in LA all the time.

AWESOME!

*loves*

Waiting for Morrissey

One of my students was shot and killed this morning. He was 16. The incident was gang-related, but that's all we know right now. Nothing on the news about it or on the internet. I guess its just another inner-city statistic.

He was somebody's baby. He was somebody's dream. He was somebody's future.

Two days before spring break, my district announced it would be merging my school with another to preserve funds. My principal was fired and my asst principal quit. The kids spent all day crying because they are so close to the principal. For some of them, he's the only father figure they've ever known. I couldn't teach them for two days because they were so distraught by the news.

Tomorrow we go back after spring break. I have to walk in front of the same group of kids I watched cry and tell them one of their friends is dead.

Working in the community I serve, I've seen children facing issues of rape, abuse, drug addiction, gang violence, and poverty. I've dealt with it and been strong. Its all been hard, but I was thankful I never saw a day like today.

Dear God,

I asked for a break and didn't get it. This time, I'm asking for strength. For me, for my kids, and for that little boy's (yes, he was really just a child) family. Help us all see the light at the end of the tunnel.

- Andrew